Sunday, October 31, 2004
*PART of a survey*
lol.. I didn't feel like doing the whole thing..
So.. here's part of it.
IN ONE TRY..TYPE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR:
ONE FINGER WITH EYES CLOSED:jsymr
CHEEK: jauym, r
PALM: jag mes
BACK OF HAND: jaymew
hmm... i'm a little too good at that.
Left her mark at |12:55 AM|
Friday, October 29, 2004
*So freaking TIRED*
I'm in class.. again. When am I NOT in class at 8 o'clock in the freaking morning? :-/
It's gotten to the point now where.. when I leave in the mornings, I'm so tired that I shut my insides off and go on autopilot. I don't even remember driving here this morning.. I remember brakeing a lot, but I don't rememeber driving.
I am in SERIOUS need of some frikin JAVA over here. lol.
Anyway.. on the bright side, I GOT MY PHONE BACK YESTERDAY!!! GET EXCITED! lol. I have my pink-ish-ness back. WOOT!
Hmm... anything else to write about?
So, I totally blew Ben off yesterday.. I promised him we'd hang out, and then I just never answered his calls. hehe. I'm such a bitch. I don't do that with every guy.. just Ben. :-/
And then Bryan treats this whole thing like we're in a relationship. I'm like, "DUDE. You live in LUBBOCK." It's ok though. I'd like to be in a relationship with him.. just.. not.. long distance.
I need to call him today. I miss talking to him and I feel REALLY bad that I've been a little busy lately and HAVEN'T talked to him. :(:(:( <3 Bryan.
And Jeff.. he's cute.. I guess.. but he's 24.. and.. I don't know where he's from, so I only see him on Mondays and Tuesdays. :-/ But I like him. :) He's HILARIOUS.
So, let's tally this up here.
Ben: kinda cute, really annoying, weird kisser.. *shudders* leaving for army in two weeks.. A WEEK AND A HALF! REALLY attached, really clingy, really DEAF when it comes to remembering things and hearing things correctly. I tell him I'm going to be in class from 6:30 - 9:30, and he calls me at 8 wondering where I am. >:O
Jeff: Really cute, really funny, really nice. Seems like a real sweetheart. And I like that. Way adorable.
Bryan: Gorgeous. SMART. REALLY SMART. He wants to be a history professor. :) So sweet, so genuine, so caring, so funny, just... amazing. Bryan = Amazing. <3
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *slams face into keyboard*
Left her mark at |9:06 AM|
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
*Just another post*
I think it's been a few days since I last wrote an entry. I have those two audio posts, but, um, they suck.
Leah's back in the hospital.. as of last night.
They FINALLY diagnosed her with Pre-Eclampsia, which is REALLY dangerous to both her and the baby.
She's stuck in there for the next four weeks. And after the fourth week, they're going to induce labor.
Baby weighs 5 lbs. 2 oz. She's between 12-17 inches long. She's a little one. :) I can't wait until she's here. I can't wait to be a Godmother. I'm like, cool Godmother Aunt Jayme. SWEET! I'm gonna be the one she comes to when she wants to have fun.
I wonder what she's going to look like. So far, we know she has Leah's cheeks and Donald's forehead. lol. I'm REALLY happy she doesn't have Donald's jaw line. That.. would be one ugly baby.
They finally picked a first name.. Hannah. They're sticking with it. Now they just have to pick a middle name. Either Hannah Grace or Hannah Elizabeth. Fantastic! WOOT!
So, Holley and I aren't having lunch today like I thought. But that works out PERFECTLY. We moved it to Thursday. But I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it then, either. I'll just have to see what goes on.
Ok, well, I'm going to go write her an email and let her know...
Love you all,
Left her mark at |1:43 PM|
Monday, October 25, 2004
Left her mark at |7:21 PM|
Left her mark at |4:36 PM|
Left her mark at |4:27 PM|
Saturday, October 23, 2004
.. for babies? For baby?! BABYSHOWER!!
lol. Mom and I just got done decorating.
Her and her friend Lisa were supposed to start their own party planning business, but that didn't work out because Lisa's really bossy and picky... so they always fought. Well, tonight, mom was like, "I should just open a freakin business with you."
Ha. Go mom.
Cecil really pissed us off tonight.. he was just being a jerk. So, mom "accidentally forgot to make his lunch" for tomorrow. Ha. She's like, "He's a big boy.. he can fend for himself."
Well, I'm gonna go to bed.
Thank You for yet another wonderful day. Please watch over Mrs. Dimitt and make sure she's ok. Please?
Left her mark at |12:56 AM|
Friday, October 22, 2004
*Baby Shower Attendants*
Baby Shower Attendants
Lil (Cecil's mom)
umm.. I think I'm still forgetting someone...
Left her mark at |10:59 PM|
It's 7:55 a.m... and I'm awake. There's something wrong with this picture.
I'm in class right now. It hasn't started yet, but, in... 4 minutes now, it will. I think this is the least tedious class I have.
Ok, Ms. Complainalot? Stop!
I really do like my classes here. They're fun. (Well, most of them). The only classes I'm not too keen on are my Audio class and my Written Communications class. I think the reason I don't like Audio, is because there's physics involved, and, "Hi, my name is Jayme Lyn and I never took physics. And.. I barely passed chemistry, and that's only because I threatened the teacher." (I owned him. He pissed me off and I let him know about it. I actually kind of miss our fighting spells.) And, I don't like written communication because it's a FOUR HOUR class. I mean, seriously, how much of literature can you take in one sitting?
On another note, I went to Waco yesterday. It's roughly about.. 100 miles from Dallas, and, I made it threre in an hour and a half. :-D. My lovely Jerri goes to college out there... Baylor.. WOOT! Go Baylor! She's been having a hard time with a few things, and I just really missed her.. so I went and visited her for two hours. lol. Yes. Two hours. It was really good seeing her though. I miss her a lot. :(
Mmm... 8:02 and class still hasn't started. Thank.. GOD.
Hm.. what else to write about... what else..
OH. BABY SHOWER IS TOMORROW! :-D
Unfortunately, since I'm the only one home today (Cecil will be home around 3:30 or so) and mom's at work.. Jayme Lyn gets stuck with CLEANING THE WHOLE FREAKING HOUSE.
Leah's coming over to keep me company though. :) She was like, "I'll help you clean..." and I was like, "Um.. no. You need to stay off your feet. So, under normal circumstances, I would say 'yes, you can help me', but since you're.. oh.. I don't know.. 8 MONTHS PREGNANT... you're just going to sit there and keep me sane while I vaccuum the whole house twice over."
I'm way excited though. I don't know for sure how many people are coming, but, I think it'll be roughly 15-20 people.
I need to make a list. Hold please.
Baby Shower Attendants
... ok.. I'm missing a lot of people. Well, a few. I just text messaged Leah to ask her who else is coming, so when I find out, I'll edit this post.
Well, I'm going to go check my bank account and then play a game or something until class starts.
8:10 and still nothing.
Love you all,
Left her mark at |9:10 AM|
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
This is the best song ever. I've had it on repeat for about 30 minutes.. it's fantastic.
"Breakaway" by: Kelly Clarkson
"Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of a could-be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)
Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Make a change
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway"
That song gives me chills.
Work was good today.. there was this one girl who made me want to claw my freaking eyes out. I brought her a fresh iced tea because I couldn't find the pitcher to refill hers, so.. I brought it to the table, and she put her old glass off to the side and I was like, "Oh, I'll get the out of your way for you.." and she just looked at me and goes, "Um. No. You won't. I want the ice." and looked away. I was like.. you dirty bitch. AHHHH
PEOPLE LIKE THAT MAKE ME WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!
Holley called me today. I was a bit surprised.. so I called her back and was like, "Hey.. what's up?" and we talked about baby shower stuff and she said she'd call me later tonight and that if she didn't call by 9:30 for me to call her so we could "chit-chat".
Anyway.. mom and Leah and I are getting really excited about the baby shower!!! It's this Saturday from 2:30 - 4:00. Leah and I went to order her cake yesterday. It's UBER cute! It's a little baby on a white background, and she's got a pink diaper and it says, "Sugar and Spice and everything nice" above it. It's SOOOO CUTE!!
Anywho, I'm going to try to find an mp3 of "Breakaway" to make it my background music and then I really need to do my homework. :-/
Thank You for such a wonderful day. And thank you for not giving up on me when I wanted to give up on myself. You are great, Lord. And I praise Your name. I love You.
Left her mark at |5:50 PM|
... how you can speak right to my heart... without saying a word you can light up the dark. Try as I may I could never explain... what I hear when you don't say a thing..."
God works wonders. For my.. seasoned readers, me talking so freely and openly about God must come as a shocker. It may make you uncomfortable, but right now, I don't care. It's what's going on. It's real. And I know that now..
I wrote Lance a poem tonight. It's really weird. Because, this WHOLE day.. I've felt like I just got out of a relationship.. not a friendship. I cried on the inside the whole day. Tonight.. during class, I almost broke down into tears.
I thought he didn't want to be my friend anymore.. and that killed me.. because our love was so pure. I honestly thought he hated me.. because last night, when I talked to him, I asked him to look me in the eye and tell me he loved me still, and he couldn't. But tonight, I found out that.. he missed me just as much as I missed him.. his Aunt Penny had to take his cell phone, turn it off and lock it in the glove compartment because he couldn't resist calling or texting me.. it was too hard for him. :-/
I asked God to make things out the way He wanted.. and.. I guess he did. So, thank you Lord. You gave me one of my best friends back.. You made things right again.. and for that, I thank You.
When I went to take him his poem.. he wanted me to read it to him.. and.. I couldn't. I told him I couldn't because I'd start to cry again. So I had him read it.. and even while he was reading it SILENTLY in his head, I started crying uncontrollably.
But.. he's my "husband" again. He's my "non-romantic life partner". lol.. and I like it that way.
I explained the concept of tampons to him tonight. He didn't understand. lol.
He was going through my purse and found one and opened it and was like, "How does this work!?" and I told him.. and he was like, "How does it stick in there?!?" and I was like, "Here.. here's an example.. hand me that water bottle." and he did.. and I poured water on it and it expanded and his eyes got SOOOO big!! LOL! He freaked out! He was like, "OMGY!!! That is so cool! Man.. if I would have known about these while I was still in school, I would have brought it for show and tell!! That's the most amazing thing EVER!"
He was so amazed. It was cute.
But, here's the poem that I wrote him, and then I need to go to bed because I have work in the morning.. :-/
It doesn't have a title.. because.. well... I couldn't find one that fit the way I wanted it to.
"It's the end of something beautiful..
an end I never thought I'd see..
the demise of a love so wonderful..
the demise of "you and me".
I will always remember the way we laughed
the way we smiled, the way that we cared
I will remember your scent, our present and past
and the love that we so closely shared.
The Heavens never sang a more beautiful song
than when they created "you and me"
for you, your love, I will always long
our friendship, "forever", I thought it would be.
So here is the end of something so cherished
a lifetime of happiness in an instant gone
Even though our present has perished
my loyalty and heart, to you, will forever belong."
... and.. there it is.
God.. I am so glad to have him back.
I love you all..
Left her mark at |2:37 AM|
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
I guess. I'm a lot better now. I cried most of last night.. mainly because I don't understand why things are the way they are..
We all unintentionally screwed things up. And.. guess what.. IT SUCKS.
I need to place myself in a better mood. So.. here we go.
... It didn't work.
I'm just going to pray about it.. And hope that things work out they way they "should" work out.
Please give me the strength to work through this.. and please help me to realize that You have a reason for everything. You've got a greater purpose. I know this.. but I need Your help to be ok with it.
Thank You for a beautiful day.
... It helps.
I'm in class right now. Mr. Frisbie is talking about the rule of thirds. Mrs. Faunce (h.s. video teacher) embedded that into our heads.. so.. when it comes to video and photography, the first thing that comes to mind is the rule of thirds. It's like a law... lol. I did my contact sheet this morning. I would have done it at home, but my power went out because a transformer in Rockwall blew up so ALL of Rockwall had their power cut off to make sure that an electrical fire didn't start. I have all of my pictures, I just don't have them printed off.
I talked this really cool guy this morning at like, 1 am online. He's 21 and knows his music. We talked for almost 30 minutes just about music. We both agree that the 80's had the best guitars. The arrangements of guitars are simply classic. Then, I told him that one of my favorites is George Winston's arrangement of Pachebel's Canon in D Major. Coincidentally, that's his favorite, too. We also came to the conclusion that the second movement in Beethoven's Sonata in C minor sounds a LOT like, "This Night". I never noticed that before.
Ok, well, we're about to look at some websites in here.. so I'll write more later.
I love you all.
Left her mark at |1:42 PM|
.. just when you think you've got it all figured out .. you lose touch with what you thought was right and realize that there's something better out there for you.
Why am I so backwards? Why am I so emotional? :( I don't know. Frankly, right now.. I don't care.
It's not because I'm a girl, either.. I know plenty of girls who aren't as emotional as I am. I just happen to be more high-strung.
Epiphany for the night:
"God doesn't give you more than you can handle.. without His help."
Left her mark at |1:45 AM|
Monday, October 18, 2004
"I'm going to tell you one last thing Jayme Lyn.. I love you and will always love you. I will always remember your scent.. the way your hair bounces in the wind and the color of your cheeks. I will always remember those things.. I'll never remember the bad. I love you. I just.. wish I could give you one last hug.. but I can't.. you can say whatever you want now..."
"I love you Lance."
"I love you, too.."
"I love you more.."
"*sighs*.. not possible..."
... and then he hung up. And that's the end of me and him.
I hate this. I hate it with everything in me. Why does everyone have to make it so hard for us to be friends?
I just want to die.. I want this pain to be over with..
I just said goodbye to one of my best friends.. and I didn't want to.
I can't even see the screen right now I'm crying so hard.
I still have to do my homework.
This really really sucks.
My head hurts...
The worst thing is.. is that.. I feel like someone close to me has died..
I can't handle this..
Left her mark at |9:42 PM|
Lots of love for Angel Angell. :)
We just talked for like, an hour on the phone. I miss her so much. I really do. :( We had such a good conversation, and I got to talk to Dani.. and.. I just really miss them.
For those of you who don't know, Angel was my 12th grade english teacher. lol. So what?! I make friends and keep them. I don't look at titles, just people. Doesn't matter if they're adults or people my age or if they're teachers or whatever. People are people, and heck, if you connect with them, so be it! Angel just happens to be one of the people that I connected with. And I'm truly thankful for that.
She said the most beautiful prayer tonight while we were on the phone.. I almost cried. In fact, I didn't cry while we were on the phone.. but I cried just now. Some of my friends have said that they thank God for me and our friendships.. but.. that was the first time I have ever heard anybody actually do it. And.. I know she really cares about me.. and that's really all I've ever wanted. To just know that someone cares. And I know she does. And that means more to me than she'll ever know. I just told Jerri.. actually.. here's part of our conversation..
(snoflake is jerri, bblgum is me)
BblGumDuctTape: nobody makes me feel the Lord like Angel does..
BblGumDuctTape: it's weird.
BblGumDuctTape: When I'm talking to her.. I can feel Him.
BblGumDuctTape: I've never felt him before like I do when i'm talking to or with her...
BblGumDuctTape: But I can feel how much she cares.. I can feel how much she loves me.. and.. Jerri.. that kind of caring and love isn't possible without the Lord..
snoflake6886: *nods in agreement*
snoflake6886: i'm really glad
BblGumDuctTape: and I am so thankful that He has put her in my life..
BblGumDuctTape: I really am.
BblGumDuctTape: and I'm thankful for you.
Nobody DOES makes me feel the Lord like Angel does. It's because.. she's not pushy. She's honest. There is such love for the Lord and such a Godly presence in her.. it's really hard to miss it. She has always made me want to be closer to the Lord.. always. Her and Dani both. I've fallen away from Him.. I can feel it. And it hurts.
I guess maybe why I've been so.. anti-religion lately is because my mother keeps pushing me to find a church and to find the true meaning of Christianity.. and.. the more she pushes, the less I want to do it and the more I resent it.
But then, I talk to Angel.. and.. all of that goes away. It's really weird. But cool. If I could be even a fraction of the person that she is, I would be really well off. I absolutely adore her. And I'm so happy for her that she found her "Prince Charming". He's such a great guy. He does ministries.. which, I think is amazing. Jared found his "Angel". haha.. literally and figuratively. And I'm so happy for them.. and I'm so happy for Dani.. it's.. a really good thing that she's living there now.. it's.. I prayed about it.. a lot.
I don't know.. I guess.. :-/.. hm.
I don't know if she's going to read this.. but.. Angel.. you have no idea how much our friendship means to me. You're such an amazing person.. and.. you have such a.. a Godly presence about you.. I have NEVER felt the Lord so strongly than when I am around you or talking to you. It's like, I can literally feel Him sitting RIGHT next to me. That's one thing I adore about you.. I know that, even when I have my doubts, even when I feel completely alone and just, tired and.. like everything is going wrong.. the SECOND I talk to you or think about you, I feel Him. You help make it real. I've never been a strong believer. I'm not one to trust what I can't see or give my life to something I can't feel. But you make Him known to me. And I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. Thank you. I love you sweetheart.
Now.. for the last part.. which.. should be the first..
Lord. It's been a long time since I've actually.. talked to you. And, I'm sorry for that. There is nothing that I can say that you don't already know, and nothing I could come up with for an excuse that you haven't already made up for me. I'm sorry I haven't.. been yours. I'm sorry that, I haven't talked to you.. that I haven't been.. wanting.. to talk to you. For the longest time, I thought everything was perfect. When people brought you up, depending on the crowd I either prasied Your name or laughed in your direction. You know how sorry I am.. you're watching me as I write this.. and You know exactly what I'm feeling. I thought that.. I could do this on my own. I'm Jayme Lyn.. I can handle anything. Well, God.. you made me strong.. but not that strong. I've just been too full of pride to admit that. Almost everyone I know thinks that I can take on the world and win. I'm tough. I'm smart. I'm strong willed. I know what I want and how I want it. I'm the best at persuading people to do what I want and I'm the best at talking people out of things. I'm cunning. I'm excellent at improv. But how far will that really get me? It won't. Please help me to learn that.. worldly things aren't important. Please help me to learn that you're the only one who matters. Please help me be more like Angel and Dani and Jared.
Lord, I'm weak. I'm not as smart and cunning as I thought. I'm not who everyone thinks I am. I'm scared. I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to be scared. I don't want to be this far away from you. I have enough issues with my worldly father.. I don't need more with you. Just.. help me to walk closer to you. Help me to remember that you're always with me.. Just.. please.. help me. I don't like being scared. I just.. need and want to feel you with me at all times. But, as scared as I am with out you.. I'm just as scared to give myself up to be with you.. and I don't know why. Please just.. please.. I don't want this anymore. I can't take it. Please?...
Left her mark at |2:51 AM|
Sunday, October 17, 2004
*Oh the joys..*
.. of HOMEWORK. :-/. I keep thinking this is a game.. you know.. where.. the homework comes and goes.. and.. stops. lol. But oh, no, it's not.
I really wish I would have formed better study habits in high school. Because it's KILLER getting my stuff done. It's so boring. It's so.. tedious. It's.. homework. lol.
I'm so tired right now, and my head is killing me, and.. I'm supposed to call Holley around 6. It's 5:52 right now.. I've been home for almost 2 hours and I've done NONE of my homework. I worked today. That was boring.
People are such shitty tippers. I just want to SLAP them and be like, "Hey.. hey.. that doesn't pay my bills!!! Thanks! Asshole." lol, you know?
I think I made better money as a host. And it's not just me that gets shitty tips. It's EVERYONE. Now that I'm a server, if I go somewhere and my bill is like, $10, I leave a $4 tip. If it's $20, I leave $7 - $8. If my bill is as measly as $5, I leave $3 - $5. It's just.. humane. I honestly think that every person in this WHOLE world should work in a restaraunt at least ONCE in their lifetime. Some people are so rude. Like, for instance, I had this lady today (older woman) and her husband, and she did NOTHING but complain about her vegetables and how they were just raw and hot, they weren't steamed at all or anything, and how she wanted to get a baked potato or something, so I went and got it. Then, since she was bitching SO much about her vegetables, I had the manager take it off of her bill so that her and her husband wouldn't have to pay for it.. and then, get this.. SHE BITCHED ABOUT THAT!!!
I was like.. oh my god. How.. what?!? Who?! Why!?! ... ARGH! And they still left me a shitty tip even though I took about $10 off their bill. AND.. they were like, "Well.. I guess I'll never be coming HERE again." ARGH.
Ok. Enough bitching. I'm done. I think. Wait.. maybe.. I think there's one more "bitch" left in my system... I FREAKING HATE PEOPLE!! THEY SUCK! THEY'RE LOUSY TIPPERS!! THEY'RE RUDE AND HORRIBLE!!! DO I COME INTO YOUR WORKPLACE AND BITCH AT YOU FOR THINGS THAT AREN'T YOUR FAULT?!?!?! DO YOU WORK IN AN OFFICE BUILDING FOR A GROUP OF PSYCHIATRISTS!?! I WOULDN'T COME BARGING INTO YOUR WORK AND BITCH ABOUT HOW MY TEETH HURT AND HOW YOU GUYS DID A CRAPPY JOB AT FIXING THEM!!!!! YOU AREN'T A DENTIST!! YOU'RE A FREAKING PSYCHIATRIST!!!!!!!!
.. ok.. NOW, I think I'm done.
Well, it's about 6:10.. I just called Holley.. voicemail. Shocker. Now I know how I make people feel. I never answer my phone. Maybe I need to stop doing that to people. Otherwise, well, hell.. I'm paying money to ignore people, when I could just do it for free. :-/
Ok. Time to write an essay. Fun times. Let me tell you.
... oh gosh.. I'm pms-ing. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm feeling btichy for no apparent reason. Or wait, maybe it's because I've had THE SHITTIEST PAST TWO DAYS OF MY WHOLE FREAKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Left her mark at |7:12 PM|
*Just when you think...*
... everything is fine, a night like tonight happens.
Everything was fine.. I went to pick Lance up from work, we were having fun.. we were going to go out to dinner.. and Leah called and was like, "Hey.. want to go out to dinner with me?" and I was like, "Yeah.. but Lance is with me.." and she was like, "That's fine.. he can come, too."
Well, you should know that Lance and Leah don't like each other. They REALLY don't. But Leah is grown up enough to be civil. And what's more, is that she does it for me. She knows it will make me happy, so she sucks it up and deals with it.. like a good friend should. And she's among the best in the world. So, we all go to dinner.. Lance will NOT look her in the face. (Oh.. side note.. while Lance and I were in the car on the way to my house, I asked him to be civil with her.. for me. He flat out says "No") SO.. the WHOLE night.. Leah kept asking him questions to try to include him in the conversation, and he kept giving her one word answers - still wouldn't look her in the eye. He made the WHOLE night TOTALLY uncomfortable. He wouldn't talk. He wouldn't PRETEND to have ANY kind of fun.. not even for me.
So, we all leave, and we get back to my house to get Leah's car, and Lance steps out and tells me to hold on a minute while he goes to talk to her. So, I roll down my window so I can hear what's going on, and they kept talking. I couldn't really hear what he was saying, but the whole time, she was like, "I love Jayme. I love her to death. And I will do anything for her." and he was like, "You're going to make her stop caring about me." (or something to that effect) and she goes, "Jayme is the kind of person who will care about you until the bitter end. Nothing I could say would make her change her mind. She's a mature 18 year old adult and she's perfectly capable of making her own decisions." and he just kept going on and on.. and they got into a conversation about how the reason why she doesn't like him is because he didn't respect her wishes about not doing his witch craft around her, and then he was like, "Well I respected your wishes by leaving you alone.. you said you never wanted to see me again.. Looks like JAYME DIDN'T RESPECT YOUR WISHES BECAUSE SHE BROUGHT ME AROUND YOU." THAT pissed me off. I stepped out of my car at this point and sat myself right in the middle of the conversation. Leah said, "No. Jayme ASKS me if it's ok, and out of respect for her, I let her know how I feel about it. If I would rather not be around you, then I tell her and we come to a compromise. If I think it's fine that we're in the same vacinity, then I tell her. And I'm civil. Because it means something to her. It's important to her and I want to make her happy." and he was like, "So, oh.. I'm selfish because I can't be civil with you and I'm just not that good of a friend and blahblahblah" and she goes, "Lance.. did you not see the look on her face the whole night!? You made her so unhappy. You made her so uncomfortable. You couldn't even do one thing for her." And she was like, "Lance, I think you have some alterior motive with Jayme.. I don't know what it is, but I feel like you do." So, they kept fighting.. and then Leah looked at me and said, "Jayme, I love you. I will talk to you later." and she got in her car, and Lance and I got in my car and I took him home. On the way to his house, we talked about the "alterior motive" thing, and he said, "Yes. Jayme. I've been lying to you the whole time. I have an alterior motive and I'm sorry." and I go, "Ok.. and what's that?" and he goes, "I'm friends with you to make Kristin jealous to get her to be friends with me again." and I said calmly, "Well, it's nice to know that you've been using me this whole time." and he goes, "Yep. It's been a fun ride, but I'm getting off the roller coaster." and I just said, "Fine. Get the fuck off." Then he was like, "Now how realistic does that sound?" (Like he was being sarcastic) and I didn't.. I couldn't say anything. I don't care if he was joking, I don't care if he was playing around.. it wasn't funny. I would NEVER joke around with someone like that. EVER. I told him, "Lance. I don't make it a habit to walk away from people. I don't leave. I stick it out. But if you want to walk away, that's YOUR decision." he just said, "Yeah. I guess it is my decision." I brought up the civility thing and he was like, "I told you I wasn't going to do it." and I just looked at him and I said, "I asked you to do it for me, Lance. You couldn't even do that one thing for an HOUR." and then he goes, "I just couldn't. Jayme, you know I would do anything for you.. you know that." and I interrupted him and said, "No, obviously you WON'T do anything for me, because you proved that tonight." Then he was like, "Have you seen the movie 'Mean Girls'? In girl world, all the fighting has to be sneaky." and I YELLED at him, "LANCE, THIS ISN'T A FUCKING MOVIE. IT'S REALITY." we screamed back and forth and, we pulled up to his house, and he opened the door and got out, and said, "Jayme. I love you." and I reached over and slammed the door shut and just peeled out.
Friends don't joke around like that. Obviously he's not the person I thought he was.
Leah would do anything for me.. I know this. And I love her with all of my heart. Her and Nichole have been the BEST friends to me for the LONGEST time. And I.. I love them with more than my heart can hold.
I just.. GOD. I HATE THIS.
And then I text messaged Dimitt.. and was like, "Hey. I'm sorry to bother you, but.. what are you doing right now? I only ask because if there were ever a time when I needed anything from you, it would be now." I never ask her for anything. EVER. I have NEVER asked her for anything. And the ONE time I really need someone to talk to because I have NO ONE ELSE.. she tells me she's sleeping at her mom's house. And she was like, "Call me tomorrow??" and I was just like, "*shrug* whatever. I guess." and then I sent her another one and was like, "How about this. You call me because I've got horrible timing and I never pick a good time with you." It's like.. it won't matter tomorrow.. so why even bother? I was a little upset at first, but I'm over it. I have no right to be upset. So, that's fine. I understand. I guess I know now how things go.
I called Nichole, and her and I went for a drive. A LONG drive. And she listened to me for about an hour or so.. and we started talking about other things.. and.. she made me laugh. Nichole is an amazing friend. More than amazing. Anyone who knows her should know how lucky they are to know her. I LOVE YOU NICHOLE. Thank you so much.
I've come to realize, that, all I need in my life right now are Leah and Nichole. That's all I need. I don't need or want anyone else because the ONLY ones who are there for me when I need them are Leah and Nichole. No one else.. anyone else who has called themselves my "friend" has lied. With the exception of Jerri. She's always there for me and I appreciate that more than anything. So Jerri, don't think I've forgotten all we've been through. I love you punkin.
No more Lance, no Holley, no ANYONE. I don't WANT anyone else but Leah, Nichole and Jerri. That's it. That's all. That's all I care about right now. I'm just.. I'm fed up with life. I'm fed up with everything.
I'm scared for myself because every year around this time, I start to get depressed and mean and.. I hate that. This is the time of year when I usually start to slit my wrists. I only say that because only 2 or 3 people have this link. And they already know.
Holley, if you ever read this, which I doubt you will, I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry for all the times I called you. I'm sorry for all the times I text messaged you. I'm an annoying person. What can I say. I'm sorry if I made you feel weird. I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention. I had no underlying intentions but to just be a good friend. I'm obsessive with making my friends happy and I'm sorry if that freaked you out in some weird way. But I can't help who I am. I just can't. That's the way I've always been. Even since I was 5 years old, that's all I've been about. I give all of my heart to every single one of my friends. I guess that's because during the course of my life, I've only had a few select people to give my love to because when I gave it out freely, it was never returned. Do you know what it's like to love someone and have them not love you back? It hurts. So I stopped loving for quite some time. This past year, I pretty much shut out all of my friends and since you were the only one who showed interest in being my "friend", you were the one that got all of the love. And I'm sorry for that. I had no one else to give it to. But now, I've got 3 others. So you don't have to worry about me bothering you anymore.
Lance: We're done. I don't know if it's temporary or if it's long term, but, as of right now, we're done until you grow up a little bit. Correction: A LOT. You are the most immature 18 year old I have ever met. I'm sorry that that's harsh, but we always said we'd be honest, and, well, guess what. I'm being honest. Grow up. You're a great guy when you want to be.. I just wish that was more often. You're always great to me.. but you really need to watch how you talk to other people. You will get NOWHERE with your attitude. That's not how adults act. You wonder why Aunt Penny treats you the way she does???!!! TAKE A LOOK AROUND LANCE. You're only the victim because you make yourself that way.
I'm done with this entry.
Left her mark at |3:24 AM|
Saturday, October 16, 2004
"Guess what! Guess what guess what!?!?"
"Um.. what? The fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending trident?"
Hahah... great great show.
I have to leave in about 15 minutes to go pick Lance up.. or.. maybe, I should leave now and be early.. but then I'll have to wait.. and I don't want to wait.. I just want to hurry up and get there and be out of this house.
Bahahahahbshdbahbdhsbetureytrhgljhavjtgh io yt;yah shtjarnsmnfgm,ngd,... to the fifth power.
Left her mark at |5:13 PM|
Things to write about:
It's 1:30 am.. and I have to work tomorrow...
Lets get some sleep.
Left her mark at |12:25 AM|
Friday, October 15, 2004
Ok, we're back.. I think we're about to take a quiz actually. It's 9:47 am. It's.. early. Kaylan messaged me and was like, "I know you're probably still asleep! But I just wanted to say that I love you!!" and I was like, "Um.. babe.. I'm in school.. " SEE!? Everyone still expects me to be asleep!!
My teacher's talking.. and.. I'm listening.. but I'm not looking at the screen.. so that way he thinks that I'm just looking at him... and so I don't get in trouble.
He's talking about computer guys and how some guy invented a certain computer and someone else stole it.
Oh, wait.. we're about to watch a movie.. woot!
Oh crap.. this better not be one of those ones where it's like, "Hi, I'm a cheesy 80's movie and I'm going to smother you with bad outfits and haircuts." I remember, when I was in high school in my economics class, we had to watch this movie about taxes and such, and... it was 150% 80's to the extreme. It was bad. The girl looked like a guy... the computers had bad slideshow animations and they thought that it was amazing.. I mean.. it was BAD.
Hmm.. I'm still not looking at the screen.. WOOT! Go me! I can type without looking. Oh gosh I'm bored.
I'm just going to start praying that this movie is recent... but then again.. recent is way too technical. Blah. Maybe the 80's might not be so bad.
Oh great, now our teacher is talking about pot and drinking. Hm. He's talking about how we're gambling money over our education and how it's really important to pay attention because we're spending a lot of money. NO JOKE! I agree. My schooling for these three years comes to a grand total of... $65,000. WOOT!! GO BANKRUPTCY!!!!!
Love you all more than a furby....
Left her mark at |8:47 AM|
Mm.. Yeah, that'll do. (For lack of a better title.. that'll do).
I'm so freakin tired right now. Seriously, this whole "getting up early" thing just isn't doing it for me. I sent Holley a message yesterday saying, "Mk.. this getting up early thing is killing me. That's it. I'm resetting the world clock. Everyone gets up at 10, and nothing opens or starts til noon." ... Don't think I can do it? Just you watch.
It's... 7:57 right now. I'm sitting in class. Waiting for it to start. Kinda don't want it to.. kinda know that the sooner it starts, the sooner it ends.
I was listening to the radio this morning... Kidd Kraddick.. and.. they mentioned something about a church in Santiago, Chile, that has this things where this microphone can detect who's praying the loudest.. and whoever is praying the loudest wins a discount card for Dockers. And.. they've got confession punch cards. Every time you make a confession, they punch a hole in your card. When you have all of your holes filled, you get a gift certificate for like, McDonalds or something equally as disgusting. I don't know whether to be happy that people are praying *louder* and confessing more, or be disgusted that they're using commercial companies to bribe people into being "good" in their religion. That's like handing a Big Mac to Jesus himself. Ugh. Anywho.
My eyes keep involuntarily shutting. Either I'm really tired, or I'm just blinking a lot. I actually wore make up today. That's a rarity. I never wear make up anymore.
It used to be that I couldn't go anywhere without it, and now it's just a burden. But.. I'm wearing it. And.. is it weird that eyeliner and mascara make my eyes hurt? Who knows.
I'm just.. ready for this class to be over.. and on Monday, I'll do my audio work. I just don't feel like doing it today.. it's Friday. Who wants to spend EXTRA time at school on a Friday.
Oop.. teacher just walked in.. gotta go. Maybe if we're not doing anything interesting I'll update some more.
My love for you is as sure as the synthetic fur on a Furby.
Rough.. but real.
Left her mark at |6:55 AM|
Thursday, October 14, 2004
*Awh... poor drama mama...*
I'm glad to know that girls aren't the only ones that have boy troubles..
I'm going to bed now...
Love you all..
with more than cupid's arrow holds...
- Jayme Lyn -
Left her mark at |11:32 PM|
I have like, 7 online diaries, and this is the ONLY one I constantly write in.
I don't even like this diary. Haha. I have had my diary at Free Open Diary since my freshman year in high school. Then some stupid ass attacked the server on 9/11 and now my entries from July til now aren't there. Not just mine, but, everyone's. And, I'm afraid to write in it because, if my entries come back, I don't want them to be out of order. :-/. That's the price of being OCD. I miss that diary though.. I mean, four years of my life are in that diary. Every good moment.. every bad.. Just.. everything. And now some fucker deleted 3 months of my life out of it. Granted, I'm lucky that my WHOLE diary didn't get deleted, but, still.
So, I've resorted to this. But, I guess this one is ok.. it's nothing great, but, it'll do.
So, I put more blonde in my hair... and.. something about it doesn't look right.. but.. I'm going to fix it. Woot!
Lets see if I can put a picture of it in here...
Ugh... can't get it to work...
What is with this sudden addiction to Will & Grace?!?!? Mm.. maybe because it's SO FRICKIN CLOSE TO MY REALITY WITH LANCE?!
Maybe I'm just a crayon...
"Hey.. Jayme... let's go to Wendy's. I want some food. You want anything?"
"Nah.. that's cool.. I'm not hungry."
"You're never hungry. What are you, anorexic or something?"
"No.. just.. not hungry!"
"Boo.. you whore.. Ok.. I want a #6!!"
*drive through window.. pay... pull up to food window...*
Lance: "Oh wait!! I didn't want tomatoes!! Um.. excuse me, ma'am? Are there tomatos on that? Ok.. yeah.. I'm allergic to tomatoes.. I forgot to tell her.. Sorry!!"
"Can we just take the tomatoes off?"
"No.. I'm allergic.. even the juices make me hive like a fiend."
*she gets a new burger..*
"Thank you sooo much!!"
*we drive away*
"Jayme.. we're crazy... 'I'm allergic to tomatoes...' HA.. you should have gotten a chicken sandwich."
"HAHA.. Yeah.. no joke, 'I'm sorry.. ma'am? I'm allergic to meat.. Is there meat in that chicken? I know it's processed..."
We always have so much fun.
Ooh.. g2g... I'll write another entry in a little bit.. my Lancey just called me and he's having some drama.
Lance... Who's my little drama queen?
Left her mark at |10:51 PM|
Why... do I insist on putting more blonde in my hair?
mm... I don't know.. but I am. La la la...
It's... 4:25 pm... and.. I've.. done nothing since I got home.
I went to the store... went to the bank... came home... played on the internet... ate lunch.. watched a half an hour of television and... That's it... Oh.. and I just started to dye my hair.. and now it's 4:38... and I just gazed away to the television only to have my attention snatched up like a harlot on a moonstruck night by Will & Grace.
... mm.. Where did that come from? No clue. Ha..
I've locked my creativity away in a box... and named it Pandora..
Mmm.... I WANT A KITTY! Leah got one! Why can't I have one?!?!
Oh.. my... gosh. I really need to stop procrastinating.
... Love you all...
If I come back and write again, I give you permission to bitch slap me.
Left her mark at |3:20 PM|
... Phase 1.
Ok, here's all that I have to finish for next week.
Fundamentals of Design: Art composition http://photobucket.com/albums/v467/artadd/ finished! WOOT!!!
Digital Photography: 20 digital pictures (I have to take them) of nature. Read chapters 4 & 5. Out of the 20 pictures, I have to choose the best one and print it.. and bring it to class. I have to do a composition of all of my photos, too.
Audio: Set up time to go to computer lab in Culinary building to work on my audio compositions.
Written Communication: Write 500 word paper on another student in my class. (We did interviews today). Do vocab and prefix papers.
College Orientation: Make time management sheet for the next 11 weeks for all of my classes. Color code.
and... I don't know what I have to do for computer applications... I have that class tomorrow, so, I'll find out then...
Ok.. time to run up to the bank for mom and then to the grocery store and then back home to do my freakin homework, and THEN... I have to re-dye my hair... my roots is showin! AAHHHHHHH!!!!
BAD ROOTS!! GO BACK IN!!! BAD ROOTS!!!!!
Love you all,
Jayme Lyn Murphy --ella.
Left her mark at |12:55 PM|
Leaning up against the metal frame on my bed is really starting to make my back hurt.
BRB... I'm getting a pillow.
Ah. Much better. :) Thank's Nichole. (I grabbed the beaded pillow you gave me for Christmas last year... )
Anywho. Homework is done! Woot!!!
Tomorrow, all of my packets are due... my C.S. test is due, my Syl. test is due, and.. is that it? Yeah.. for Written Communications, that's it. Then I've got College Orientation from 12 - 1... I really like that class. I've got an essay due for that class and we're organizing our time next time! Woot!
The teacher is GREAT. "Who doesn't believe that I can control your mind?" *a few people raise their hands* "Ok.. good.. whatever you do, don't think about a blue tree."
Haha. Funny funny.
I found out a bunch of stuff about our school from him, too. I found out that 43% of the students in our school drop out before graduation. Yeah. That's pathetic. That's how freaking HARD it is. People say, "Oh.. it's just a technical school.." WRONG. It's an Art School. And we're on an accellerated program, so, what other students are learning in 16 weeks, we're learning in 11. By the time I'm done with school in three years, I will have taken 74 different classes. YEAH. SEVENTY FOUR! EAT THAT YOU HIPPIE SOCIALITES!
... I'm done being random now.
UGH. It's 12:42 am... I have to get up at 5:45.
WHY AM I STILL UP!?!?
Mmm... Oh yeah.. because I'm an insomniac psycho freak. Hm... I had some weird dreams last night... If I could remember them, I would.
Rick Shaw. Anyone ever heard of him? He's a singer. He sang in a band called Tantric. They opened for Pantera. Hm. Anyway, I waited on him today at work. I also taught this old guy how to use his digital camera. :-D He was soooo sweet.
JAYME LYN MURPHY... GO TO BED... OR I'LL RELEASE PSYCHOTIC SCHIZOPHRENIC BIPOLAR FLEA RIDDLED MONKEY CATS ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
... ok ok... I'm going to bed.
Greatest quote of the evening: Jerri: "I tried to be cheap for you."
(talking about how I need to send her $5 so I can sponsor her for lacrosse) It's just the way she said it.
I love you dearly.
You are my sunshine.
My only.... sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know dear
How much I...love you...
Please don't take my sunshine away.
Left her mark at |1:46 AM|
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
So, I've come to the conclusion that I want to learn Italian. I really want to learn a 3rd language. I already know English (thank GOD, or else I'd be screwed...), and I know Sign Language. I've got no desire to know Spanish and I've got no reason to know German. But I really want to learn Italian.
I'm in a really philosophical mood right now, and I don't know why.
I really want to analyze everything. This might not be a good thing.
Hmm.. So, I'm sitting here, in my room, on my laptop.. watching Season 1 of Will & Grace on DVD. They're great. "Kitten with a whip..."
I'm just.. in a mood. Solemn. Lonely (but loving it). Bored, yet entertained. Sad, but content. Happy, yet unnerved.
I hate it when I contradict myself.
Hm. Ha. I'm... going to go do the rest of my homework.
It's.. Wednesday... my day off. And, I'm doing HOMEWORK. I worked today.. and REALLY didn't want to be there 3 hours AFTER I was supposed to go home, so I went in and told Dani (the manager) that I had to be OUT of there at 3:30 because I had to be to school at 4. Ha. So didn't have to be there. I just got really freaking tired of them telling me that I can leave at 3:30 and not even being able to ge out of there until 5. It's ridiculous. But oh well. That's how things go I suppose.
Tonight is kind of a ridiculous night anyway. It's Cecil's birthday and him and my mom are out to dinner and I couldn't even go with them because I've got too much to do. :-/
Hm. That's become my mantra. "Oh well". I guess I'm coming to terms with the fact that things happen and you can't stop them. Good things, bad things, "things" in general.
BLAH. JAYME LYN MURPHY, GET OUT OF THIS MOOD RIGHT NOW OR I'LL BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF YOU!!!!!!!!
Ok, I'm going to go tend to the reason I'm stuck here in this room.
Love you all,
Left her mark at |8:01 PM|
Can't sleep. It's 1:23 am.. and I can't sleep.Nichole, this entry is for you and you only. I told you I would do the 100 facts thing, and.. so.. here I am.. doing it. 100 Facts You Probably Didn't Know About Me.
1. I love the color pink.
2. My favorite drink is water.
3. My favorite soda is Dr. Pepper.
4. I hate Coca Cola.
5. I hate people who don't use correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
6. I've been to 10 different schools since kindergarten in two different states.
7. My parents are divorced.
8. My dad lives in Oregon and I never see or talk to him. I saw him this past Christmas for the first time in 5 years.
9. I have two step sisters.
10. My mom is remarried.
11. I have a 2001 Honda Civic EX Coupe.
12. I was in marching band for 4 years.
13. I won "Marcher of the Week" once during my senior year.
14. I was in Rockwall Community Band for two years and was "Student Liason".
15. I won the award for "Best Editing" in Video Production at my first Video Festival ever!
16. I won "Video Student of the Year" my senior year.
17. I have almost every season of Sex and the City on tape and dvd.
18. One of my favorite shows is Will & Grace.
19. I associate myself with Grace with a little twist of Karen.
20. My eyes are light blue.
21. My natural hair color is... wait.. I don't remember. "I don't remember what my natural hair color is."
22. My ring size is 6 1/2 to 7.
23. I play the clarinet.
24. I know ONE song on the piano. (1000 Miles by Vanessa Carlton)
25. I can quote almost the WHOLE tour show from Queens of Comedy.
26. My first car was a 1995 Ford Escort.
27. I made that car commit suicide. I wanted a new car, and I got one. I left the "Check Coolant" light on for a month. :-D
28. I go to The Art Institute of Dallas.
29. My major is Digital Media Productions.
30. I'm getting my Bachelor's Degree in three years instead of five.
31. I have four REAL best friends. Leah, Lance, Nichole, Jerri.
32. I have two computers. A laptop and a desktop.
33. I've seen 4 pornos.
34. I've never had sex.
35. I'm a tease.
36. I'm a flirt.
37. I've had 9 different boyfriends since kindergarten.
38. My longest relationship lasted 4 years.
39. I don't have any pets. :(
40. My best friend Leah is having a baby soon and I get to be Aunt Jayme!
41. I have a "nephew" who lives in Oregon.. but I never see him.
42. I had my first job working for a group of psychiatrists doing paper work and filing, doing refill lines for patient prescriptions, messaging for dr.'s, and entering demographic information into the systems making $10 an hour ($400 a week) when I was 12 years old.
43. I'm a waitress at a shit hole restraunt where sexual harassment is overlooked.
44. I've been with this company for about 2 years.
45. I hate my job.
46. The only class I remember anything from from highschool is Economics.
47. I invest too much in friendships.
48. I've been engaged.
49. I've almost been raped.
50. I still talk to some of my old teachers. (Yeah.. that's a little weird.. who cares?)
51. I used to have a goldfish named "Goldie".
52. He lived for 6 years and ended up being blind because he ran into the wall of his aquarium.
53. I had a cat named Tigra. (Pronounced Teegra)
54. I had a cat named T.C. when I was little.
55. I had a dog named Sandy, and another dog named Hershey.
56. I used to have a beta fish named Fido because when you called his name, he'd promptly swim to the side of the tank that you were on.
57. We got another fish, and I hated him so I killed him.
58. I got drunk for the first time when I was 12.
59. I got stoned for the first time when I was 17.
60. I hate artificial friends.61. I hate arrogant people.
62. I hate it when people pretend to be my friend. I would rather you just tell me the frikin truth.
63. I've wanted to be an actress since I was 2 years old.
64. I won "Best Actress" when I was a sophomore for playing the role of "Lady Capulet" in Romeo and Juliet.
65. I was born in Orange County, California (Fountain Valley).
66. I lived in Costa Mesa until I was two years old.
67. When I was 2 1/2, we moved to Big Bear, California. (Up in the mountains)
68. I had my first french kiss when I was in the third grade.
69. I got felt up for the first time in pre-school.
70. I've dated a man who, when I broke up with him, turned gay.
71. I lived with my Aunt and Uncle in Ontario, California for a year and a half while my dad was off doing drugs and my mom checked herself into a mental institution.
72. I moved to Texas with my mother when I was 8 years old.
73. I cried when I first saw my mom kiss another man besides my dad.
74. I once wanted my mom to marry this guy because he had a computer. (And solely for that reason.)
75. I love painting ceramics.
76. I love drawing.
77. I love writing.
78. One of my favorite scents is "Love Spell" by Victoria's Secret.
79. I'm an insomniac.
80. I have been friends with my friend Kirren since preschool. We live in different states, but we've always remained friends.
81. I never had an imaginary friend.
82. I was alone as a child, so I talked to my teddy bears.
83. I think maybe that's why I get so easily attached to people.. it's because I don't want to be alone again.
84. I get my feelings hurt when I'm rejected.. even if I'm not being rejected, I always imagine the worst.
85. But somehow, I'm a frikin optimist.
86. I've got a bad habit of cussing.
87. I love being sarcastic.
88. I have one tattoo.
89. I only have my ears pierced.
90. I'll never get anything else pierced.
91. I want another tattoo.
92. I was born on May 25th....
93. ... at 2:35 in the morning.
94. I looked almost exactly like my mom when she was little.
95. Everyone thinks that my friend Leah and I look like twins.
96. I'm a published poet. (2 different books.)
97. I have two websites.
98. I've got 13 email addresses.
99. I've got 76 screen names. ( I was bored as a pre-teen)
100. I'm super glad this survey is over.
THERE YOU GO NICHOLE!
I love you!
Left her mark at |2:55 AM|
*One more thing...*
Haha.. today, Lance and I were reviewing some of our "inside jokes" and I go, "Hi.. I'm credit." and "Love is just a meaningless word we throw around like 'maternal' or 'addiction'". And I just looked at him and he was laughing a little bit and I was like, "That's getting old.. buh buh buh." and he goes, "Honey.. those jokes are only a few days old.. you know our inside jokes have a shelf life of at LEAST 6 months."
Left her mark at |2:08 AM|
*Bring on the Rain*
"Bring on the Rain" by JoDee Messina is a fantastic song. I love love love it. I'm going to figure out how to put it on my diary as background music. :-D
I feel really bad. I really do. Tonight, after class, I called Lance to see what he was up to, and it turns out, he was with Kristin at Walmart... so.. I left them alone.. and, well, ok.. Lance and I had previously made plans to hang out for a little bit after I got back into town, and, so, I show up at his house and call him to see where he is (because he said they were about to leave Walmart) and he was about to turn into the neighborhood. (They were in Kristin's car.) So, I'm sitting in my car and they pull up behind me, and just sit there for a few minutes talking. It turns out, that, Kristin asked him what his ring tone for her was on his cell phone, and he showed her (it's Will & Grace) (because that's been their ring tone for like, forever). So then she asks what mine is.. it's the theme from Sex and the City, and he tells her it's because it's one of my favorite shows. So then she asks him, "What's my favorite show?" .. and he didn't know the answer. She says, "What's Jayme's favorite show?" he says, "Sex and the City and Will & Grace". She says, "What's my favorite color?" "Pink... no wait.. that's Jayme's... purple?" (Keep in mind that Kristin and Lance have been best friends for about 2 years... and he and I have been friends for about 5 months, but we've become really close within the past 2 months..) She says, "What color are my eyes?" he goes, "Green.. they're green, right??" "What color are Jayme's?" "... blue." "When's my birthday?" "November... 14th? ... No... wait.. that's Wes' birthday... ummm..... " "What's Jayme's?" "May 25th..." and then she just sat there and looked at him, and started to cry. She feels like she's been replaced, and, truth be told, she has.. but not intentionally. She stopped calling him, she stopped hanging out with him.. they drifted and I coincidentally stepped in right at that time.
She cried because of "me". No one's ever cried over me. No one. EVER. No one's cared enough to cry.. whether it's a good cry or a bad cry... no one ever has.. and tonight, she did. It's not all because of me though.. it's because she "misses Lance". But.. that's her own fault. Not saying that to be a bitch or anything... but it really is her own fault. :( I really don't like being in this situation. And I feel really horrible because Lance knows EVERYTHING about me and next to nothing about her.. and they were best friends for two years, and we've only been best friends for 2 months.
How am I supposed to feel?
Everything is so screwed up right now... I just wish it would all go away.
On the bright side, Leah came over today while I was on my break from school. We took a nap and laughed and joked and she played on my laptop while I did my reading for my quiz that I had to take tonight. She.. haha... she took a pregnancy test "just to see if it would show that she's pregnant." Get this.. hahahah... it was "The Error Proof Test"... and.. ok, she's what? Almost 8 months pregnant... and it showed up that SHE'S NOT PREGNANT. What a crock of shit. Ha. We should write to them and be like, "Um... revisions much?" She said she wanted one for her scrap book because she didn't keep the first one she took. Haha. She's crazy. I love her.
She's the only friend I could take a nap with. lol. Well, we were watching Oprah.. so that kind of induced sleep, too. I remember, during the summer, I'd wake up, go over to their apartment, and I'd wake her up, and she and I would go straight back to bed. lol. We'd take about a 3 hour nap and then wake up around noon, watch some tv.. go get something to eat.. run a few errands and then come right back to the apartment and take another nap for about 30-45 minutes, and then I'd go home when Donald got home so they could have their alone time. It was a ritual. It was great. I really miss that. Not the naps, per say, but, the closeness.. the "being together every day" aspect of it. We need to get closer again.. things have kinda.. faded. :( But, she'll always be #1 no matter what.
I'm gonna go to bed now..
OH WAIT! I found a cure to my insomnia! I'll just tape record my audio professor's lectures and replay them while I'm laying in bed! HA. That would put a somniphobiac to sleep.
Ok, bed time.
Love you all with more than my heart can hold.
Left her mark at |2:01 AM|
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
... should I be punished for having a friend? Seriously. This whole situation makes me sick to my stomach. Why should I be punished just because I want to spend time with Lance? We have fun. It's not harmful fun.. it's not bad fun.. it's just.. fun. We laugh. We joke. We make each other laugh so hard that our sides hurt for days. So what if I've found another friend? Not a replacement by any means, just another friend?
Leah is still my best friend. Always will be. I miss hanging out with her every day. I miss her. I love her to death. And I'm sorry that I can't be with her every day like I wish we could be. She's preoccupied with other things. And while she's busy or while she can't go anywhere, what should it matter if I hang out with someone else? People grow apart temporarily. People drift. Usually people drift away from me.. and it's never a big deal because we always come back to each other in the end.. and it never feels like a huge deal. So why is it, that, this time, I'm the one drifting a little bit and it feels so wrong to everyone else? Why is it such a big deal now?
I just don't get it. Why should I have to divide my time and my whole life into 6 separate parts just to accomodate everyone else? School, work, mom, Cecil, Leah, Lance. Why can't they just all intermingle? Why?! I don't want to have to play the role of the fucking referee for the rest of my life. I thought we were all adults here. I thought that we had left this high school bullshit behind us. I thought our maturity had finally caught up with us.
And the fact that Kristin is trying to push her way into everything and anything doesn't help. She has no idea who I am as a person.. as a friend.. she's never given me the chance to prove that I'm not a horrible person.. she just refuses the time. So why should she hate me like she does? She has no clue..
Oh well. Who the fuck cares. I'll let her waste her time and energy hating me. I'm glad I'm the focus of her life right now. I'm glad. Let her think about me. Let her hate me. I don't care anymore. I just.. I don't care.
Leah, I love you. That will never change. You are always number one. You're my "twin". We've been through so much together and you're just.. you're my best friend in this whole world. But I can't handle Kristin. I just can't handle how much she hates me. She doesn't even have a reason. Why am I being punished?
Left her mark at |12:26 AM|
Monday, October 11, 2004
I'm so sick of everyone being so fucking two faced. I'm sick of being dragged right into the middle of EVERYTHING. Fuck Kristin. Fuck this whole situation.
I don't care who doesn't like who. I don't care.
This is YOUR BATTLE. LEAVE ME THE FUCK OUT OF IT. I DON'T BELONG IN THIS SITUATION.
Just leave me alone.
Please just leave me the fuck alone. I don't want to deal with ANY of you any more.
Kristin: things are the way they are because of you. If you would just shut your fucking mouth for even just 30 seconds.. everything would be so much better. Stop thinking about yourself... "Poor you". FUCK YOU. If you had any regards for ANYONE else besides yourself then NONE of this shit would be going on. It's YOUR fault that your friendship went straight down the drain. It's YOUR fault that things are so fucked up. You're so two-faced. You're so shallow. You're so negative. You're so.... just... OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES, KRISTIN.
You don't even know who the hell I am. How can you have so much hatred towards me? Are you that stupid? Are you that naive? LOOK AROUND YOU. The world does not revolve around you, and your life is so bad because of you. Stop interfering in my life. Stop trying to make everything perfect for yourself. Stop trying to push me out of the picture. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stay so you better fucking get used to it.
This makes me want to slit my wrists.
Left her mark at |11:42 PM|
*Oh What a Day*
School went by REALLY quickly this morning. I've met a few cool people.. most of them are older than me. I guess that's ok, I mean, I've always made friends with adults really easily. Too bad none of them are really interested in having "younger friends". Maybe it's something about.. feeling old? Ha. Nah, Lucas (he's in two of my classes) is really nice. He lives out by Ft. Worth. He's kind of cute I guess. He's really cool. There's this girl named Jaylan (Jay-lyn) (which is cool because I'm Jayme Lyn... Jaylan.. Jayme Lyn... yeah.) who's in my design and audio classes. She's 20-something. Last week for design we had to create sketches of an object with six different styles and techniques, and I ended up doing 8. The teacher REALLY liked my work. :) She complimented me several times. She's pretty cool I suppose. "Miz" Bryant is her name. (Not too keen on the name considering the fact that it reminds me of Grubbs because her last name was Bryant and she's the spawn of satan.) But Miz B is freakin HILARIOUS. She's in her 40's (I think) and she's got short BLACK hair and she's really kind of pale.. she kind of looks like a witch. Haha. That's great. She cusses a lot... :-/. It's funny though. She's like, "I'm not like a 'high school teacher'... I'm actually a professional." HA.My audio teacher is borderline HOT. His name is.. Mr. Holmes?... I think? I don't know.. he's a new teacher here this year so his name isn't on my schedule... But he's cute nonetheless. I have about 4-5 (maybe 6) hours of homework for each class... which SUCKS because I'm not that dedicated to my work.. lol. I'm a little A.D.D... which is a reason I'm in ART SCHOOL, I suppose. Ha. My Computer Applications professor is Iranian.. but, as he put it, "If I don't want to get kicked in the face, I tell people I'm from Persia." I guess that's a little sad, but, he made a joke out of it and he called himself a "camel jockey" twice. HAHAHA. He's REALLY nice. Not that bad looking for a 40 year old man, either. He told us, "Look, I'm going to be straightforward with you.. I don't care about you. Do you care about me? No! I'll start caring about you when you prove to me that you care about yourself and your education. But until then, I don't care!" :)Anywho.. Today.. was... a day. Nothing great. Lance and I tried to get a new car for him.. no such luck. Being 18 and having no credit SUCKS ASS. We drove around all over the place though.. and we always have fun together. He's such an amazing guy. Too bad he's gayer than a barrage of rainbows. (I mean that in the best way.. I love him for who he is and if he ever changed, I'd kill him.) He's not flaming.. not that it matters, but... I mean, ok, I feel bad for writing down in here that he's gay.. but.. that's part of who he is and that's part of why I love him.. because I respect that, and I'm proud of him for being the person that he is. Anyone would be lucky to have a friend like him. I'm the luckiest girl in the world! We're LITERALLY Will and Grace. Right down to the quirks and humor. It's perfect. I love having a friend that's a boy! Ha, today while we were driving, we started jamming to The Spice Girls and Hanson "MmBop". HA. It's great. I kept making random comments and he was like, "Wow. What's going on with you? What are you doing??" I was like, "What!? What am I doing? What's... what??" He goes, "You've been all kinds of cute for about 24 hours straight now... what's up with that?!" Hahaha.. we were talking about credit last night, and he asked about my mom's past credit history, and I told him, "Well, it wasn't bad.. but it wasn't good... it was just like... there.. like... 'Hi.. I'm credit.'" Stupid things like that.. I just got him laughing. I love love love making him laugh. And I love the fact that, we spend so much time together, and we never tire of each other, and when we DO get on each other's nerves, we tell each other! Like, for example, the other night, we were both in bad moods, and he was irritating the HELL out of me and I was irritating him, too... and I just looked at him and said, "Hold my hand and make me stop hating you right now." He just started laughing and we hugged and held hands.. and he goes, "Do you 'un-hate' me right now?" I just looked at him and said, ".. mm... No... Do you 'un-hate' me?" and he looks at me and goes, ".. mm.. No." and we hugged and kept walking. I love being with him because.. I get to share a part of him that not a whole lot of other people get to... in fact, we're together EVERY day.. and I get to know a part of him that no one else knows. And I feel very privileged to know him. And he feels the same way.. he tells me all the time that, if something were to ever happen to me, that, he wouldn't know how to go on, and he'd be devastated, but at the same time, he knows that he got a part of me that no one else had. No one else knows me like he does. Leah's still my best girl friend, but, I've gotten busy with work and school, and she really can't do a whole lot because she' s about 7 1/2 months pregnant... so we don't really get to hang out as much. I still love her, and she's ALWAYS going to be my best friend.. no matter what.. she's over Lance, even. (On a different level)... and Lancey knows that.. and he told me that if I ever viewed it any differently, that he's slap me and make me realize that Leah came first chronologically so she's always going to come first no matter what. He doesn't want to be #1.. he doesn't want to replace Leah.. and he never could... no one could.. and no one could replace Lance, either. I have two other best friends... Nichole and Jerri. They're amazing people.. and they're right up there with Leah and Lance.. I love them with all of my heart and more..
I'm really blessed. I really am.
I need to go do my homework now... I have to read three chapters and take notes and study because I've got a quiz tomorrow over those three chapters. FUN FUN. NOT.
Ok... I love you all...
Nichole, Jerri, Leah, Lance... I love you with more than my soul can contain. You guys are the reason I wake up every morning, and you guys are the reason I want to wake up in the morning... because I know you'll always be there. If I had to get rid of everyone else in my life (friend-wise) and I could only have you guys for the rest of my life... I would do it in a heart beat.
Left her mark at |11:12 PM|
Saturday, October 09, 2004
**Fact or Crap?**
Ha. The best game... EVER. Lance and I have been playing it for a while... and there's like, I think almost 1,000 question cards... and we've gone through almost all of them... in only 4 games. HA. Yeah... We need to find a new game I guess.
Well, Leah's in the hospital AGAIN. Tonight, Lance and I went and saw her... Donald was there, too. Right before Lance and I left, they hooked this monitor thing up to her belly so they could monitor the baby's heart beat, and.. the heart beat kept fluctuating. Well, that's kind of normal.. you know? Well, it turns out that.. she's having contractions. We don't know if they're real contractions or if it's those Braxton Hicks contractions.
I'm hoping they're Braxton Hicks... because if she has the baby now, they have to take her to Parkland because Lakepointe doesn't have the resources to take care of a premie, and her doctor doesn't travel.. so.. she wouldn't get to have her doctor deliver the baby. So.. yeah..
Well, it's 1:15.. and.. I think I'm gonna go to bed. I DON'T HAVE TO WAKE UP EARLY TOMORROW!!!
... Is it a little strange that my Computer Applications professor is Iranian.. and he called himself a "camel jockey" twice?? .... "No, you dumb camel jockey, that's not what I was talking about..." .... it's a little weird.. but he's funny!!! His name is Mohammad Manouchehripour, but he told us to call him "Mo". HA! I love it!!
He's pretty cool. I think we're gonna have fun in that class.
Love you all,
Left her mark at |12:08 AM|
Friday, October 08, 2004
Mm. I'm at school. Hehe. I'm in my computer applications class. This teacher is pretty cool... he's nice. He's upfront.. I like that.
I got my school email today. It looks weird. I'm totally typing without looking at the screen, so if there are errors, I'm sorry.
My teacher is from Iran. But he was like, "I have great passion for America. I have nothing but love for this country. I don't like those diaper heads over there..." haha.. He's really smart, too. He's got his bachelors, two masters and his doctorate.
I'll finish later..
Left her mark at |9:34 AM|
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
... My name is Jayme Lyn and at the moment, I'm a chocoholic. "It's 12:08 am, and I'm sitting here with a cigarette and a pint of ice cream."
Haha. I'm so screwed up. Lol.. Here's the "tmi" for the night. My period is so screwed up. I bloat the week before, lose weight and cramp two days after it starts, crave chocolate and get emotional and pissy the week after and always forget how much time has passed since it ended the week after that. So, week before, I'm fat. Week of, I'm thinner and in pain. Week after, I've got cravings and am REALLY bitchy and overly emotional. Two weeks after, paranoid that it's going to start any time when really I still have another week.
It's quite humorous. So.. guess what week I'm on right now. Haha. *She says with a pint of Rocky Road in her hand*.
I went over to Lance's house tonight and we played this game called, "Fact or Crap". It's a FANTASTIC game!! We love it. I think we're going to turn it into a ritual. Every Wednesday night we'll play. :) Woot!! For an "educational" game, it's REALLY fun! Or, maybe the game itself isn't fun, but, we MAKE it fun.
I really enjoy spending time with Lance. We always have sooo much fun. We make stupid jokes all the time. Like, for instance, we have this thing where.. there's this kid in Mesquite named "Shithead" (pronounced Sha-theed) but it's spelled like "Shit head". So, I was like, "You know what? I would REALLY hate to be a teacher and have a kid named 'Shithead'" and Lance was like, "Yeah.. it would be some cute little blonde headed kindergartner.. 'Honey, what's your name?' 'Shit head!' '... um.. what's your middle name?' 'Bitch.'" and then I was like, "O..k... what's your... last name?' 'Chlamydia.' 'So wait, let me get this straight.. your name is Shit-head Bitch Chlamydia? ... Your new name is Emily.'" And like, I'd be sitting there.. saying, "Emily.... Emily... EMILY.." and she'd be looking around like, "Who's Emily?!" "YOU ARE!!" "No I'm not!! I'm Shit-head!" "No! Your new name is EMILY." and I'd put the pencil in her hand and like, force her to write "Emily" at the top of her paper. Hahahahaha... It was much funnier when we were in the moment.. lol. So now whenever Lance and I just look at each other and say, "Emily" we both start cracking up.
Another thing we love is "Queens of Comedy". They're FANTASTIC!! Haha.. we quote them all the time.
"Now, ladies, when you have your babies, name them something they can live up to. 'Cause I got some friends that aint EVA gonna live up to they names. I got a friend named 'Alexis', look like 'A-buick'. Not a regular buick.. one of them ol' fucked up Buicks with the door a different color than the rest of the car... I got a friend named Champagne... look like.. a 40. Not a REGULAR 40.. The kind of 40 you smash on a curb ta cut a bitch wit.. ol' roughneck 40... And ladies, I don't ever want to see what I saw in the airport today.. Oh.. that big headed mothafucka. You know.. it's real hard to find an ugly baby.. and it's a sight to see cuz you know most babies is cute! But oh.. this big headed mothafucka in the airport today.. he got a big ol' head and he all lopsided.. tryin to keep up with himself.. he all runnin and playin.. he's knock-kneed and cross eyed, tryin to keep up.. tryin to play.. he got a pampers swelled up twice the size.. he got a sucker stuck to his shirt and his momma's all like, 'Commeer Denzel!' 'WHO, BITCH!!???! The mothafucka gonna need a nickname.. how 'bout head? Let's call that mothafucka head.."
HAHAHAHAH. I LOVE QOC!!
Ok.. it's 12:30 now.. and I have to get up at 5(30) to get ready for school. Grand. I've got Written Communication from 8 - 12 and then College Orientation from 12 - 1. So... yeah..
I'm off.. I love you all...
FRIDAY NIGHT IS PARTY NIGHT!!! WOOOOOOOT!!!!!
Love you all...
Like the new layout??
Left her mark at |11:01 PM|
Well now. There's way too much to write for one entry. Work sucked. I made $55 though. BUT I also didn't get out of there until 5 when I was supposed to leave at 3:30. That was a fun time. I'm so sick of drunk people... it kills me.
School's going ok. It's... school..
I'll write more later when I feel like it.
Left her mark at |4:55 PM|
Sunday, October 03, 2004
*La dee da*
Haha... Leah's trying to marry me off. Ha. I laugh in her general direction. I got to feel the baby kick tonight! Well.. really.. she punched me... lol.. it was great.
Well.. it's 10:49 pm... October 3rd... I should really be asleep right now. My first day at college is tomorrow... bright and early. Blahblahblah. I think it's an art class.. I'm pretty sure it's an art class. I mean, I'm excited and all.. but.. I'm nervous. I just want to get there early.. get my i.d.. get my schedule and get to class. Once my first week is over... I'll be ok.
I'm.. going to go to sleep now.. I have to get up at 5 am.
Woot for early mornings. BAHBAHBAH.
I love you all...
Left her mark at |9:46 PM|
Saturday, October 02, 2004
*Survey Time (Thanks to Nichole)*
Survey... survey... thankies to Nichole.
First best friend: Kirren Dolan
First Job: The Holiner Psychiatric Group
First screen name: DollChild9
First funeral: My friend Cory's mom.
First pet: my cat T.C.
First piercing/tattoo: ears pierced when I was 5, redone when I was 11, tattoo 3 days after my 18th birthday.
First credit card: Debit (Mastercard)
First true love: Michael Rosebrock
First big trip: California (after I moved to Texas.. mom, stepdad and I all went to Cali and drove from Nothern to Southern)
First concert: Linkin Park
Last big car ride: September 18th, 2004 (From San Ramon, Ca to Lompoc, Ca)
Last good cry: Don't remember.
Last library book: Don't remember... I think it was in like.. 8th grade. Haha.
Last movie seen: Mean Girls
Last beverage drank: Water
Last food consumed: Chinese food.. broccoli & beef, orange chicken, fried rice, egg roll.
Last phone call: Leah (tonight) Nichole never answers my calls, so.. you know.
Last TV show watched: Simpsons (tonight)
Last time showered: This morning.
Last shoes worn: flip flops
Last item bought: scratch off lottery ticket and starbucks.
Last ice cream eaten: non-fat sugar free chocolate chip.
Last shirt worn: blue shirt with red white and blue butterflies.
-- Name: Jayme Lyn
-- Birth date: May 25th, 1986
-- Current Location: Rockwall, TX.
-- Hair Color: light brown, auburn and blonde.
-- Height: 5'7 ish
-- Righty or Lefty: LEFTY!!!
-- Your heritage: English, Irish, German, Dutch, Indian
-- The shoes you wore today: tennis shoes (work) and flip flops.
-- Your perfect pizza: pepperoni & pineapple!
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Be financially "comfortable", have my perfect career, have a family. (fame is on the list.. but.. that's a little greedy.)
-- Your thoughts first waking up: "I've still got 20 more minutes..."
-- Your bedtime: Between 12-3am
-- Adidas or Nike: Neither
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea Raspberry!!
-- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Frappuchino
-- Cuss: Unfortunately, yes.
-- Sing: Yes... Kind of well if I do say so myself..
-- Take a shower everyday: Every day. That's just gross to not take one every day unless you're 5... or a vegetable.
-- Do you think you've been in love: Yes
-- Want to go to college: I start Oct. 4th, 2004!!!!!
-- Liked high school: A lot... I really miss it.. (sometimes)
-- Want to get married: Yes
-- Believe in yourself: Yes. It took a lot to believe in myself, but... I learned.
-- Get motion sickness: Rarely.
-- Think you're attractive: Sometimes. I think I'm more "cute" than "attractive".
-- Think you're a health freak: mm... I would like to be!
-- Get along with your parent(s): Most of the time.. when they realize that I'm right and they're wrong.. then yes. HA... Just kidding!! Yes, we get along.
-- Like thunderstorms: Only if there's not a tornado threat. (Texas does that to you... :-/ )
-- Play an instrument: Clarinet, piano, cell phone. (Don't ask) (trust me, you DON'T want to know... )
In the 6 past months...
-- Drank alcohol: Yes
-- Smoked: Yes
-- Done a drug: No
-- Had Sex: Nope
-- Made Out: yes
-- Gone on a date: yes
-- Gone to the mall: yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Mm.. no. My thighs would kick my ass.. because they'd be BIG enough to be able to kick my ass.
-- Eaten sushi: Ew.. gross. No.
-- Been on stage: Yes!! Bandishness.
-- Been dumped: Nope.. (I'm the dumper). I prefer to hurt them before I get hurt. (Is that bad?!?)
-- Gone skating: No.. but that sounds like fun!
-- Made homemade cookies: Yes.. for my boss/slave.
-- Gone skinny dipping: Not in the past 6 months ;)
-- Dyed your hair: Yes... every other month. Ha.
-- Stolen anything: :-/ .... yes.
-- Have you ever:
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes.. on more than one occasion... (I never lose) ;)
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes.
-- Been caught "doing something": Me and what army? No.
-- Been called a tease: Always.
-- Shop Lifted: Yes.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: I used to... but... not so much anymore. I have this whole "If you don't like me for me, I don't care." mentality.
-- Age you hope to be married: Before 26... although lil miss Leah thinks I'll be 30.. I laugh in her general direction. *cough* ... Ha.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: Mm... 2 or 3. 2 girls, 1 boy. Girls names: Brightyn Lynae, and either Holley Noelle or Madelyn. Boy: Either Bradley Teryn or Teryn James.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: As long as I've found my perfect man, I don't really care. Big or small.. Elegant yes.. but, size doesn't count.. (In most cases) ;)
-- Where you want to go to college: Art Institute of Dallas!! WOOT!
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: Movie director/actor/producer. (Yes, I will be famous.)
In a boy... or girl:
-- Best eye color?: Ice blue. (ohhhhh baby.)
-- Best hair color?: Doesn't matter...
-- Short or long hair? Pref. short.. but if he HAS to have it long.. then.. not LONG LONG... but kind of short/long... something I can run my fingers through...
-- Height: Taller than me..
-- Best weight: Mm.. proportionate.. good build.. not flabby. lol.. that's just gross.
-- Best articles of clothing: Ah, that doesn't matter.
-- # of people I could trust with my life: Three. Honestly. My mom, Leah and Lance.
-- # of piercings: 2. One in each ear. :)
-- # of tattoos: 1. Three stars on my lower back.. (Big one in the middle and a smaller one on either side.. black and pink)
-- # of scars on my body: Um... Too many to count. I have one on my nose from when I was little and I pulled one of those like.. Sparkletts water jug cooler things over on top of myself. :):):):)
-- # of things in my past that I regret: None. Because then I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't be where I am and I wouldn't know who I know.
Left her mark at |9:50 PM|
Friday, October 01, 2004
I had college orientation today.. that was fun. Kinda.
MY BOOKS AND SUPPLIES COST $800. HOLY CRAP. And they weigh like... 60 pounds. There's a lot of fun stuff in there... I have this HUGE portfolio case thing... it's like... I could fit in it. lol.. Seriously.
School starts Monday. That's fun.
"And I will do my best not to let you know that I can watch you leave, but I can't let you go... "
That's a great song..
Sorry.. lol.. I'm listening to it right now. "But I can't let you go" by Meredith Edwards. Wondermous song.
Well.. I've been feeling really incomplete lately. Like something really important is missing. And that makes me wonder, how would I know that something is missing from my life if it weren't there before? Something has left my life that made me feel complete... so I should evaluate what isn't here now that was before, and I should be able to figure it out, right? Wrong. Easier said than done my friends. I just...
.... here I am again.. writing to a person who I have no idea who they are...
I miss you. I miss spending time with you. I miss getting to know you. I miss everything. But I don't know who you are. So many people have come in and out of my life, and they've all left their mark... but you... you never left your mark. You never claimed a piece of me. You never demanded anything from me. That's what's different. That's what makes you stick out in my mind. This nameless, faceless person. You always accepted never asked. Not many people do that. But, whoever you are, I love you and I miss you. I wish you would make yourself known.
Left her mark at |1:22 AM|
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Name : Jayme Lyn
DOB : May 25th, 1986
Alias : JL, Angel, Pixie
College: Art Institute of Dallas